Self-kindness is self-care

I hope you're having a good holiday. I'm spending mine so far on just relaxing
and decompressing with my family after a very full 2016.

Now, the newsletter today is about one area that I've written a lot about in the
past four years and that is still very close to my heart.

It is what I like to call self-kindness.

It's close to my heart because it has meant so much to me. By being kinder
towards myself, I have become happier, more effective and motivated and it has
helped me to become kinder and better in my relationships with other people
too.

But it's also close to my heart because almost every week I read in the
newspapers and in my inbox how people's self-worth seems to get worse.

If you do not feel so good about yourself, if you think that your self-esteem is a bit
low or you beat yourself up regularly when making a mistake then there are
things you can do.

There are habits you can develop within yourself to become more self-reliant and
stronger through life's ups and downs.

These two habits have been among the most effective for me.

Change your input to things that are kind and constructive.

Destructive messages from the people around you or from people further away
such as media, advertising, and society, in general, does not help you to be kind to
yourself.

So, bit by bit, replace them with other daily and weekly input starting now and
as we go into 2017.

It could be the encouragement of friends and family and the help from someone
close who has been in a situation that you are in now.

It could be practical personal development books and blogs that help you out
with real solutions to the challenges you face and the goals you want to achieve.

It could be spending more time in nature and in silence to relax and recharge
yourself.

This coming year make more conscious choices about what you want flowing
into your mind. And about what you don't want to let in anymore. Instead of just
going along with the same old habits.

Give yourself a break and think in percentages rather than always.

I sometimes hear that you should always be positive or always be winning or
working towards your goal.

That may sound inspirational in theory. But the reality is not ideal or perfect and
neither are you and I. Life gets in the way sometimes. You may get in your own
way. 

And sometimes you simply don't have the energy or the courage or the time

to do something.

And that is OK. Instead of trying to live up to some perfect image that other
people and/or you may press upon you, choose to set human standards for
yourself. 

Choose to give yourself a break when things don't go as you may have wished
and choose to cut yourself some slack.

One approach that works for me is to think more in percentages than absolutes
and to set the bar for yourself a little higher than it is now. For example, aim at
being optimistic roughly 75% of the time if you are optimistic 50% of the time
now.

Aim at taking action on your thoughts 60% of the time. Then raise the bar slowly
overtime - but not all the way to 100% - to both be able to improve and to be
able to be kind to yourself.

And accept that you will make mistakes or have temporary failures a certain
percentage of the time. Such is life for everyone who wants to step outside of their
comfort zone or do something of real value. 

See these situations as learning experiences and use what you learn to avoid
making the same mistakes again.

Take care!